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Welcome to Ari-Wood. Step right up and see the sights. To your left, you will see the delicate fragility of fairy land. On the right, watch out for the fiery dragons. For your safety, we recommend you stay on the path and don't stray into the netherworlds of risk and chance. Alternatively, perhaps you like the benefits that go along with taking that chance..........
All rights to the poetry and stories in Ari-Wood
belong exclusively to the author.
That which is not mine,
That which is not good,
That which is not altruistic....
Is requested to leave.
******
The stories and poems encased in this crystal blog are written from my own imagination and in no way are intended to be viewed as written to any specific person unless I specifically state that it is.
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My heart is a book which you leaf through as simply as the pages of this blog..
Antiqued an worn
The words bleed
From a hidden place
Deep within my chapters
Where only one can see
And whispering spirits tarry
Frayed are my edges
Yet my gliding
Remains beautiful
Not a mere ornament
But a testament to the tooling
Which has geared my life
Sown tightly is my binding
I have weathered the years
I shine with wisdom an character
Like no other book
Yet my cover bares the marks
Of ordinary use
Turn my pages lightly
And you shall read
My hued memories
Of dreams and dreaminess
Of times and timelessness
Of lives and liveliness
Upon my inner pages
Are scribbled
Achromatic dreams
My love
My hopes
My life
You are such a treasured book
All my love, Sister of my heart
(Written by a special sister of my heart...MsAlchemy2...a special gift...I wanted to share.) |
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Musings, Part 2
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Sep 10, 2011 2:50 pm
1628 Views
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“After our dinner, I went home and thought about the conversation.”
“I’m completely shocked.”
“Did you want to hear the story or tell it?”
“All right, I’ll keep my commentary to a minimum.”
“If I thought that were possible, I’d write a song to the occasion.”
“Do you want to sling words or tell the story?”
“The kitten has unexpectedly grown fangs. Anyway, I wanted to think more about how family and friends had impacted my own relationship. Had I responded in a predictable manner to their opinions?”
“I’m not sure I’m following you.”
“For example, in my first relationship, my family and friends totally loathed my partner. He was not what they expected for or from me and did not meet up to their standards. In my musings, I wondered how much of my determination to make the relationship work was because I truly wanted it to be successful, and how much to prove everyone else wrong. When the people closest to us disagree with our viewpoint, and particularly when it really matters to us, as in relationships, career moves, the important decisions we’ve thought through carefully, or responded to with great emotionality, we have a nasty tendency to feel judged. Judgment which disagrees with our own can lead to a sense of victimization, which leads us to rebel, to have an intrinsic need to be right.”
“Okay, I’ll agree with that.”
“When I thought it through, I recognized that I not only rebel against my family, I do it intentionally because I don’t trust them. There is enough pattern of the infliction of pain that I am wary of anything they purport to approve and have a habit of intentionally doing the opposite. It’s a convoluted way of saying, what I do to hurt myself is my own choice, but I refuse to allow you any opportunity to do more to hurt me. I never said all my choices were rational.”
“No, but in a strange way the logic makes sense.”
“In a strange way unique to my rather twisted self-evaluation, it does. In the same way however, I used that justification to remain in a dangerously abusive relationship rather than admit to my error and oddly, to protect myself from the need to venture into a new relationship. After all, what we don’t risk cannot bring us harm.”
“So, you stayed with him because you…”
“Didn’t choose to allow anyone else the opportunity to get that close to me.”
“But doesn’t that mean you couldn’t be happy yourself?”
“If we’ve never known real happiness, can we be aware of its absence?”
“That’s actually scary. How can you not know real happiness?”
“I believe there are many who have experienced it rarely, or not at all. If you don’t know something well enough to recognize it, do you know when it is not present or do you accept something lesser as representative of it? As an example, if you’ve never known unconditional love, is it possible that you can accept an abusive relationship as something more? We know that happens, why is it not possible with happiness?”
“Is this why you have to think things through so completely? So that you can understand what you have missed?”
“Or perhaps because when I find it, I need to understand what it was. Experiencing an emotion for the first time can be overwhelming, particularly if you aren’t sure what it is. The first time I was truly happy taught me that everything which had gone before was simply pretense, making the best of what I had. Now I had a true scale to measure against. I had to separate that emotion from others which were tied to it. Do we want to believe we are in love because someone brings us joy? Love and joy are separate and distinct, but to the child are often inseparable.”
“Okay, so you thought all this through. Did it bring you anywhere? Did it answer any of your questions?”
“It brought me to the dreams.”
“What dreams?”
“Those which began to taunt me with choices, with hopes I’d set aside. They began that night.”
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4
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Chance Meeting, Part 1
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Sep 10, 2011 9:29 am
1726 Views
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"Where have you been? I saw you when we had dinner a month ago and then it's as if you just vanished."
"I took a journey, perhaps not as much physically as in my mind. Yet, the physical portion altered much of what I recognize as true in my life."
"I didn't know you'd left. Where did you go?"
"I took a walk which led me to places I'd never been."
"Okay, don't confuse me dancing with words. You're beginning to sound a bit more metaphysical than I really understand. Why don't we have a cup of coffee and you can tell me how it was?"
Finding a coffee shop was not difficult, nor was it a complicated matter to decide on a flavor, but the finding of words challenged me. Where did the story really begin and when would it end? A slow, meditative sip of the cinnamoned drink as I reflected on what was real and what part the ancillary contemplation which accompanied the quest. For quest it had been, and years in the making, yet still unresolved for the final ballots had not yet been tallied.
"Have patience if the words seem somewhat abstract or convoluted for I haven't yet sewn the threads into the tapestry of my soul. There are ribbons dangling from the canvas until they can be assimilated."
“I so loath it when you speak in rhythms only you can hear. It should be just a simple feat to tell of what you’ve done the past month.”
“It should be, and would, if I were merely to describe the steps I’ve taken and what I’ve seen, but it would lose the flavor of what was learned and how it was gained. Which would you have, the outer photograph or the fullness of the album?”
“Fine, tell it as you will.”
“Do you remember our conversation when we met at the Thai restaurant last month?”
“I remember the conversation vaguely. I’m sure we talked about deep philosophical concepts which seem to have real importance to you. To be honest, I don’t look at the world through a microscope in the same way you do.”
“Mmmm, we spoke about the roles others play in our lives, how they impact decision making and create patterns in our responses. We discussed family and the degree of importance we allow their opinions. Specifically, I suppose we talked about relationships and how we determine the position of each relationship in regard to ourselves. And really, the conversation wouldn’t matter so much if it hadn’t resulted in the experience I’ve had.”
She leaned forward and placed her chin upon her palm, fingers stretched along her cheek as she prepared to hear the story. For all her complaining about the manner in which I describe situations, she never could resist the telling of a tale and I am the storyteller, creator of paths too distant to walk, adventurer in a world where the greatest voyage is the one within our heart. I waved the waitress back for a refill on our drinks before I began.
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13
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VOTE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Sep 7, 2011 8:16 pm
3004 Views
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I have decided to run for US President...or even President of these here blogs against my friend Phillip   . In order to beat his pants off (don't take that literally) , I'm going to need a campaign manager , someone to write commercials , people to go out and get votes for me , and lots of votes .
Please stop in here to register your support, your vote, and where you'd like to help in my campaign .
"I only play to win."
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80
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Streaming......
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Sep 6, 2011 7:38 pm
1821 Views
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An early night for me, I think. I don't do this often, but I'm rather more than tired. Perhaps it's just the base of chinese cooking...which is often sweet...and my diabetes. May have to give that up....sigh.
Two more classes down, 7 to go. I planned to study longer tonight...anyone want to do my last two tax accounting assignments? Instead...I think I'll take myself to bed.
Now is that just a pathetic expression? I'd kinda like to have someone else take me to....
Oh dear, mixed audience...we don't want to shock the boys, do we?
Have to do the innocent girly thing and pretend we don't know anything about S E X....and god forbid we should actually LIKE it...lol... Sort of like having a sense of humor...you're a girl, you don't get it. Whatever.
Stream of consciousness writing. Totally unreadable cause it's my vacant mind just putting down words as they come flying through my bloodstream. Zing...here comes another one.
No, I have not been drinking, but I'm kinda thinking I might like a drink or two...
******************************************************************
Of course, it doesn't matter what I do, my heart is still awaiting you....
In broken walls, a fallen street, I'm hoping for a chance to meet...
Where shall I look, where have you gone, I hope to build a place upon
Which I can place this fragile gift, that in your hopeful hands you'll lift
And hold it close, and make it yours, within your heart, unbolt the doors
For nothing more can I conceive than in your heart you must believe
That in your life your greatest role, is that of guardian to my soul.
***************************************************************
No more can I give than my love,
No more can you take than tomorrow
All else comes incidentally....incrementally...
Agreed of you and me.
I love you....whoever you are today...where ever you are in space...feel the warmth of one woman's love...wash over you.
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18
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Do you.....
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Sep 5, 2011 5:33 pm
1698 Views
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Do you know me? Do you understand the woman who is still a child and the child who longs to be…once loved? Does laughter rule inside my world or hide my insecurity? Do I search for truth because it’s right or just to hide my face from lies? Do words reveal shadows from the light or are they where my soul delights? Do you know me?
Do you see me? Am I the consequence of fate, that came before and ever stayed…or am I what I’m meant to be, the shaper of a destiny? Do I reveal my heart in smiles, or shield the tears of one reviled? Have you seen me dancing with the stars, or is it that I’ve fallen far…between the spaces, outside the breaths…a hundred kisses, two thousand deaths? Do you see me?
Do you know the sound my heart makes as I look at you? Do you feel the heat of eyes burning from wanting? Do my lips tremble as I long to feel the need inside your kiss? Do you know me?
Would you want to?
*********************************************
A picture which unbinds my soul can be disclosed in words, although…
The photograph has been wiped clean, the slate upon which I have seen…
Tomorrow, and a hundred more, and still I stand behind the door….
Afraid to open, to be seen, unknown, unbroken, yet…unclean…
Inside my vision, he has risen
In a timeless state, stands waiting at the endless gate…
For rhythms that are read in sine, I’ll speak of truth, and call him mine.
(It does not matter what you see, for he’s become my destiny.)
He lifts the burden from my soul, and makes me clean, and makes me whole…
And doesn’t ask much more from me, but that I recognize that he
And I….were meant to be, bound delicately
Hearts chained….We are sustained
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8
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Question #8
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Aug 28, 2011 11:24 pm
2322 Views
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I wanted to apologize for not responding to comments left in my blog this weekend. While I have taken brief moments away from my school work to make some response, I have been focusing on finishing the final assignment in my final economics class (which still leaves me 8 more classes). If the assignment is good enough....it completes this class...and I'm excited. One more down.
I probably spend 20 to 30 hours on each assignment these days...so they can tie me up, twist me into a pretzel, and leave me wrung out at the end of each one. Actually, the only reason I'm still up is that I'm waiting for the results of the plagiarism scan. I always want to see those results as early as possible...not that I'd ever steal someone else's work, but that I love it when it comes in with less than 10% duplication...and they include citations in their scan.
Anyway....question #8. If you could show me one place from your corner of the world, where would it be, what's special about it, and why would you want to share it with me?
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26
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You're Selling What????
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Aug 27, 2011 12:19 am
2119 Views
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I ordered a couple of dog grooming tools the other day...a stripper to get through some of the simple tangles, a new clipper blade so I can cut their fur close, and a comb to work through the easiest places. Schnauzers have very delicate skin and don't like it when you pull their hair even a little bit.
Ever notice that when you order a product, everyone and their neighbor sends you catalogs?
So I get this catalog about pet care products. Well okay, but I just ordered what I need. Still, maybe I'll see something great in a gentler brush for the girls. So I look through it. A ton of vitamins, snacky things, junk toys (they have a toybox full), grooming supplies, and products for cleaning up after them.
I'm reading a product description for something that's supposed to clean up urine stains...yeah, like anything really does. This is why I'm putting in solid floors rather than carpet...ease of cleaning when I have a sick animal. Suddenly, I'm thinking about what I just saw and barely registered. I have to flip back a page to be sure I read it right. Yep, there it is!
POOP FREEZE!!!!!!!!!
Woohoo, now you too can freeze poop and store it for awhile!
Where do they get these ideas? How many of us want to freeze poop...regardless of the source? The idea is, your pet has a...less solid accident and you can spray this crap (pardon the intentional pun) on it to freeze it so you can more easily clean it up. Oh Baby, I'm gonna run right out and get me some right now.
So...assume your doggy has an accident and you use it...does it get to the bottom of the stain where it's stuck in the carpet fibers? Does it work for dogs, cats, birds, hamsters, and children or do you have to buy separate cans for each species?
And really...what are ya supposed to do with frozen poop?
I didn't really want to know....
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13
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The Journey Begins
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Aug 25, 2011 9:51 pm
2036 Views
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The picture is my grandson and my great-grandson, the little joy who died earlier this year. I received the photograph a few days ago and I can't believe how much joy it has brought to me. He was a treasure...and his light is sorely missed.
*****************************************************************
We close our eyes into darkness and I wonder if sleep is a bit like death. Do we wander through worlds we'd recognize if we could but remember? In the midst of the web, I do not sense the presence of those who have gone before although I know their light is not extinguished. I do not believe we are meant to know the web that binds them one to another. We may only know those who exist alongside us.
It has been long and long since last I wandered along the web and I think, this night, that the time has come to journey far. Much I have lost touch within the silent isolation in which I closed myself. I long to feel your touch once again, silent witnesses to the wandering. My heart has missed you although I refused to hear it crying in the darkness. How much trepidation must one feel to close off all that has been closest to their soul? It makes me wonder if the chord binding me has altered color in the soul sickness I allowed to overcome my light. Perhaps I would find the color a dark and gloomy brown rather than the vivid silvery blue which comes so naturally.
I have come far, my love, since that first day of resounding sundering. Yet there are roads before me and I must take up the venture once again to find what lies beyond...and before. Not an instant is forgotten or regretted, neither do I give up the quest, but I cannot lock the door from who I am and in the end, who I am may be salvation for us both. I know that sitting within four walls and restricting my spirit does nothing to resolve outstanding debts...nor can the hunted...avoid the hunt.
You know my thoughts and in the silences, I hear your voice reminding me of all I cannot be, unless I set that vibrant candle high and light the dreams and search the sky. I hear your loss echo that in me yet there is nothing I can do without you send...the missing clue, the final truth, between us two. He lit the path and I must travel for the road is not just mine...but one I walk to share his love, his truth, his faith in me...and mine in him. I wish it led me to your door, but I am not prescient anymore, no sign of what he means for me. All I can trust is that he means the best...and even more for one who bends a trembling knee knowing it may be...what it may be.
Take up the staff and hold it high to signify that I'll not cry against the road...no matter that it be a heavy load and one I do not wish to carry. It is my word, it is my life, it is the promise that I made upon a night he raised me up...it is a fate, it is a date and now the calendar's rolled round and I must take it as I may...to walk his way....until he bids me stay...one endless day...to gaze upon the love within your eyes, to feel the trembling as you cry, to see the truth that cannot lie...to hold you close before I die.
Please God, may I?
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15
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What do you say?
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Aug 24, 2011 10:11 pm
2239 Views
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I keep trying to get things in order, but it's not working well. Chelle and hubby are coming to visit in a couple of weeks and I'm sooooooooo excited (if our phone calls are an example, there will be lots of laughter and long conversations), but I still can't seem to get motivated to clean up.
My brother left me with a heck of a mess when he left. Nothing is quite finished and there are tools and remodeling supplies all over my dining room...which have now moved to the hallway...and need to go downstairs, which also needs re-organized. My new mattress is being delivered Monday, my sis is taking the old set so she needs to pick it up this weekend, my nephew and his girlfriend are picking up some dressers, my old barbecue, and an air conditioner, I want to move another credenza upstairs...and I need to get the hallways cleaned out so people can move through them. Besides, I get crazy when things are out of order in my house....I don't do well in chaos.
But hey, Chelle....the guest room is in order and nearly perfectly ready for y'all. Now if I could just get the rest of the house done. You ever get to where there's just enough to do...that you are overwhelmed and not sure where to start? Add to that month-end is next week and I have two more classes to finish by the end of the month...although it's only one test and one assignment, it's a lot to think about....and I'm too excited to want to think.
Work is highly over-rated. They actually seem to think I'm going to do something there...whatever!
*****************************************************************
What words once I longed to share, the dreams as yet undreamt nestle in the corner of the room creating a cushion of longed for tomorrows. I bound them with a ribbon of midnight blue that memory should ever toll if I chanced to glance upon them. Therein lies pain of a magnitude we are yet unable to address. Touch not for in the contact is the essence of a soul unbroken trembling at the abyss; we have fallen far, but there are depths yet unventured. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, but in the gain still does her agony remain.
The rhyming words that lull your senses into a certain melody of balladic, carefully orchestrated tears. It lasted years before she found her footing on the last excursion to the mists. Were you along to see her throw her heart from off the cliffs...ah, but she missed.
Are you following the patter of unmusical relays, inelegant delays she fills with pauses, slowly gathered to her heart until the tempo finds its pace to match the tears upon her face...as her baton sways in its space....and when your mind begins to race with vivid footsteps...stops and stays? A Dr. Suess written for adults and yet the meanings are so clear...but only if you dare go near...I wouldn't yet, my dear, for she can capture you with strokes upon a page....and close the chapter where you lay...to return another day........
Has it always been this way?
Am I real....or do I play?
A thought for you..what do you say?
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24
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I'm annoring you
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Aug 23, 2011 9:39 pm
2155 Views
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Okay, it's been a backwards kind of day. I can't seem to get it right. Steiny came in this morning and said, "Arre, Arre...what you doing?"
"I'm annoring you." Damn tongue. Couldn't even get a simple word right.
"You're what?"
"I'm annoring you."
"That's not really a..."
"Prolly not."
"What's it mean?"
"It means I'm both annoying and ignoring you."
He's been busy spreading my tangled tongue all over the plant. Lots of people are annoring each other today.
It was a pretty busy day, reconciling rocks and all. I was busy working on the raw materials report, listening to my iPod and singing a Savage Garden song. Now, typically, I play the music pretty loud so I can't hear myself sing. I have a noise cancelling headset and when I play the music, I zone out and focus directly on my work. It's a way I manage to get a LOT done in a very short time.
Most people know I loathe being surprised. Do NOT touch me from behind. Don't touch my back, its ticklish, and don't try to get me to jump cause it just makes me mad. So...most people tap on my desk when they want my attention and I have my headset on. I feel the vibration.
My desk is a huge U-shape and I sit with my back to the door. Pretty stupid for someone who hates to be startled, but the office doesn't have quite enough room to put it in any other way and I actually prefer not to see people walking past my door cause they always seem to want to talk. The way things are situated, I turn my chair to the left, get up and walk straight forward to the file cabinets or slightly to the left to get to the door. I rarely turn to the right.
So...raw materials and I hit a breaking point. Time to take a quick break. I print my data, get up, leave my office, pick up my printing, go outside, and notice my sister's car is there. Hmmm...she's interviewing for a promotion at the company (she started working there in June), so it must be time for her interview. Interesting that she didn't stop in my office to say hello.
When I return to the office, I notice that the conference room light is out. No interviews, I wonder where my sister is. I walk in my office and she's sitting beside my desk...to the right of my chair. She'd been there all along, listening to me sing...and I walked out and never knew she was there.
Good thing she loves me or I'd never have gotten the apricot jam she made me. But I certainly heard about how rotten I am all day long....
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