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Welcome to Ari-Wood. Step right up and see the sights. To your left, you will see the delicate fragility of fairy land. On the right, watch out for the fiery dragons. For your safety, we recommend you stay on the path and don't stray into the netherworlds of risk and chance. Alternatively, perhaps you like the benefits that go along with taking that chance..........
All rights to the poetry and stories in Ari-Wood
belong exclusively to the author.
That which is not mine,
That which is not good,
That which is not altruistic....
Is requested to leave.
******
The stories and poems encased in this crystal blog are written from my own imagination and in no way are intended to be viewed as written to any specific person unless I specifically state that it is.
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My heart is a book which you leaf through as simply as the pages of this blog..
Antiqued an worn
The words bleed
From a hidden place
Deep within my chapters
Where only one can see
And whispering spirits tarry
Frayed are my edges
Yet my gliding
Remains beautiful
Not a mere ornament
But a testament to the tooling
Which has geared my life
Sown tightly is my binding
I have weathered the years
I shine with wisdom an character
Like no other book
Yet my cover bares the marks
Of ordinary use
Turn my pages lightly
And you shall read
My hued memories
Of dreams and dreaminess
Of times and timelessness
Of lives and liveliness
Upon my inner pages
Are scribbled
Achromatic dreams
My love
My hopes
My life
You are such a treasured book
All my love, Sister of my heart
(Written by a special sister of my heart...MsAlchemy2...a special gift...I wanted to share.) |
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Goals and Relationships
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May 14, 2012 9:41 pm
251 Views
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Lately, it seems as if I’ve had a lot of discussions about goal setting. Michelle and I have discussed the idea that successful people set clear, definable goals and regularly review/update them. The literature I’ve read indicates that it is important to actually write them out, which kind of sucks cause my hands are used to a keyboard now and it doesn’t take long for a pen to be a test of muscular strength. Isn’t it funny how simple skills like writing can deteriorate through lack of practice? It isn’t that my hands have no muscles, clearly I work my fingers out regularly on a keyboard, but the precise posturing required for writing has almost become a lost skill. Still, it won’t take long to renew those muscles as well, and that’s not a bad thing. I’m not pleased when I allow a part of myself to simply slip away into the gray swirling mists of disuse.
Goal setting. What do I want to achieve in the next month, year, or decade? What are the steps it will take to get there? What skills will I need to develop? If we plan our lives so concisely, at what point are we letting God guide our steps? When we say “Let go and let God”, are we? Lots of thoughts to ponder. And then…where do I begin?
Over the past few years I’ve found myself reading books like The Secret and the Law of Attraction. Conceptually, it’s a similar concept, define the place you want to be, write it out or draw up a visualization board, and live as if it were already yours. In other words, both ideas depend on your ability to concisely design where you want to be and to believe it is not only attainable but already a part of your life. Similarly the Bible tells us that what we ask God for…and believe he has given to us (said yes to) will be granted because of the strength of just a tiny modicum of faith. Interesting similarities although I’m not sure we should or will be given whatever we ask for.
The other conversation I’ve been having a lot of recently has been about relationships. How do you know it is the right relationship? I made a huge mistake the first time and I certainly don’t ever want to repeat it, but I also don’t want to live my life without ever again experiencing the love I felt with a very special and unique man. I don’t forget what healing feels like, it was magical and intense, fiercely passionate and quietly tender, incredibly independent and yet bound with an almost electrical cable which drew us together even when we were across the country from one another. It was the most amazing experience of my life. But…how do you know it will last?
How do you know that each of you will agree that even when you are furious with one another, the relationship is still the most important part of your lives and you will both work to protect it so that it will last? Relationships don’t hold themselves together, even when they are between two people who believe they are meant to be together, they still require commitment and effort to maintain. Nothing ever comes easy…and it certainly isn’t without establishing crucial priorities. It is my belief that if your relationship isn’t central to who you are as a couple, it cannot sustain itself.
So, how do you know? And what does it look like five years later? Ten? Twenty? Certainly if you haven’t made it central, it grows stale and unimportant. I look at couples who have nothing left to say to one another after ten years and wonder…why do you stay together? You come home and go to your separate rooms to do your separate activities, you eat in relative silence, and you look at one another and wonder, what happened to that man/woman I loved so much? When did he/she disappear and who is this person I share my life with?
After all of these conversations, I sat down and thought through what matters to me in life, and what I want to share of myself with a partner. Passion. Not simply sexual passion, but a passion for living and experiencing; passion about the things that are important to you, passion for your work, for your hobbies, for your own goals….and a similar passion for the future of your relationship. Because when we lose our passion, I think we lose ourselves. I think we lose everything that matters and we move from living fully to simply existing. I don’t choose existence, I choose something vital and progressive.
Creativity…always a key in my life, but it doesn’t have to be a shared creativity or even to mean the same thing to either of us. Still, somewhere in our lives, we have to have something we work towards…we have to have something that fulfills that drive to leave behind something larger than ourselves. Mine is writing and working to create a more peaceful, soothing world for myself and everyone around me. Maybe yours is creating a more beautiful society…even if it is only one life you touch…to touch it so that it is improved and magnified…is a great gift. But I know that being with someone who cannot understand or appreciate my creative side stifles me…and I cannot live that way.
Intelligence, which doesn’t necessarily mean what you learn in school, but what you understand, what you can articulate, what can inspire you. How do you maintain any kind of understanding of one another when you cannot share your deepest, most philosophical ideas? Dark or light, it is in our attempt to understand the meanings of life, the goal of living…that we begin to understand our place in the universe so that we can use that goal as a bridge between ourselves and every other life we ever touch.
A hunger for one another because love is more than simply comfort zone, it is a longing to share ourselves with that one person who understands us nearly as well as we understand ourselves. It is a need to be wanted and appreciated and a drive to give of ourselves. Loving our partner should not be so very different from the love we share with the world. It involves opening ourselves up to celebrate our uniqueness, to do what is possible…and sometimes what is improbable…to give of ourselves without fear, boundaries, or price. Yeah, I know…easier said than done…I’m still working on that goal.
Acceptance and unconditionality (yes, I just created that word). To be accepted exactly as we are for exactly the person we are. I think that’s a critical piece because the minute we begin to criticize one another, we imply that we expect change from our partner. Who then did we love initially? Will we still love that person equivalently when they have changed? Unconditional acceptance is, I believe, one of the hardest concepts to grasp…and one of the most important to assimilate because when our partner feels unacceptable, unappreciated, we have established a wedge which may be insurmountable.
Appearances are transitory…we are all going to age, our skin is going to sag, our backs are going to bend, and we are eventually not going to be beautiful any longer. When that happens, we hope we have established something we still want to share in for the remainder of our lives. Positions are lost as we age and can no longer continue in our professions. Money is a tool we use to provide for ourselves, not a goal…or it shouldn’t be. Status is easily lost and has little long term impact on us. Rather than status, consider integrity…a key to who we are and how we are perceived. Without integrity we are a twig on a river being carried across the waters to any available shore, while with integrity we have a goal we reach for and we push against the current to do what is right.
And in the end….it’s all a matter of what’s important to you. It’s a matter of the goals that define you…and your relationship. Because a relationship in which the partners do not have a shared vision of who they are…will fracture as the differences in matters of significance begin to erode the foundation. Just as in an older home where repairs must be made periodically, so too must a relationship have love, attention, and effort.
And now I know where I was going with this dissertation….
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A few basic intructions
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May 13, 2012 10:54 pm
268 Views
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Have you ever just wanted to say, "Bend over, put your hands around your neck...squeeze...okay, you can loosen your grip...pull hard. When you hear a pop....breathe...."?
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This, then, is fun....
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May 11, 2012 11:14 pm
387 Views
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My boss says I have the thickest skin of anyone he has ever met. My best friend and my sister say it means he doesn't have a clue who I am. They are both right...and yet, in some ways, so is he for I refuse to allow him to see whwn his words wound. Too many women use tears to get their way in the workplace. I use ability, work ethic, integrity, and loyalty. If that's not good enough, you can kiss my rosy red a$$.
There were difficult moments today...much that was hurtful was said on our trip and I haven't yet worked through it, but he doesn't have the power to take me down. Only to make me take a step into silence as I assimilate his words and formulate a rebuttal. I don't give up...and I don't give in.
So I sent a message to someone...as much to pick myself up as to let him know I was thinking of him. When he called, I smiled, for the first time today. I wasn't expecting it and that made it a lovely gift.
I am blessed in the people who touch my life...for even unaware...they touch it with love.
***************************************************************
As the stars fell gently from the sky
They were yet matched
By teardrops slipping from an eye
Unplanned, unwanted, unnecessary...
It felt like pain, revisited.
Until consideration demonstrated
That my heart did not ache
But celebrated
Laughter, friendship, twined fingers
Walking along sparkling waters
And the summer's sunset warming
Chilled veins as spring dawns
In hope.
Thank you.
*****************************************************************
What do I do for fun? I laugh, I live, I create....in a dozen different ways...pieces of my life. I celebrate life....and I learn new things. I wander new places searching for those things which fascinate, which dare me to try...and I try to experience all that I can. When I say remodeling my house is fun, it is...for I am creating a home...a place filled with love where my friends visit and find their hearts soothed and touched. When I say reading is fun, it is...for I am learning to be more...open, loving, giving...a better person than I once was.
But I have spent six years in college..and haven't had as much time to play. So my playing lies in new experiences...tubing down the river, boating with friends on the lake or reservoirs, traveling to new places, meeting new people, walking new paths. I am neither a social butterfly nor a complete homebody...but a combination of the two.
I am fire and ice, hope and fear, passion and compassion, contradiction and paradox...I am woman...feel my soul.
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12
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The Ask
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May 10, 2012 8:47 pm
425 Views
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Crucial conversations are held utilizing the following principles:
STATE your facts
Tell your STORY
ASK for buy in
So...my co-worker is fixing our printer today...which gives me lots of room to tease.
"Broke the printer, did you?"
"Nope, fixing it after you broke it."
"I don't use that printer."
"Here's my facts: You used up all the ink printing mountains of paperwork."
"Your facts are fallacious."
"I'm fixing it so we can use it. That's my story."
"Okay."
"Here's my ask: You got a problem with that?"
"Your ask stinks."
"My what stinks?"
And then it hit me....after I went blood red and burst out laughing (as well as hearing all the laughter up and down the hall), it set the stage for a ridiculous day. (say it out loud, you'll get it)
We all need days like that.
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12
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No time like the present.....
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May 8, 2012 8:35 pm
569 Views
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Salt Lake City is a whole lot warmer than Soda Springs. The nights are amazing, cool but warm enough to sit outside without even needing a sweater (for me at least). We'll head home tomorrow, as soon as the seminar ends. It's a training on Crucial Conversations...those conversations we least want to have because they are uncomfortable or have the potential to hurt someone. It's been educational and I hope worth the $1000 each the company is paying (not to mention hotels, travel, and food). I've actually had to dig inside myself and recognize a few areas I've let slide in my communication over the past few years. It's a hard thing to evaluate your own failings honestly.
I've actually come to appreciate some things about my new boss, although I still have trouble working for him. I definitely learned that he has a need to control...but I also learned that he thinks I'm pretty amazing for the sheer amount of work I generate....and how willing I am to jump in and do what needs to be done to help everyone out even when it costs me free hours and sleep. What are they going to do when I decide I want a life?
He's kind of a complainer. Something is wrong where ever we go. His meal last night, things at the hotel, the continental breakfast we were served before the seminar began....and he has to vocalize his complaints to anyone who will listen. I think that's kinc of sad. Deal with the important stuff, let the small stuff go. Who cares?
I forgot my toothpaste. That made me really nuts last night and this morning. The Marriott does a wonderful job of making you comfortable. My room is 500 square feet with a complete kitchen, dining area, living room, and desk. It's elegant and beautiful (even if it is all red), and extraordinarily comfortable. It's almost nicer than my house...and I don't have to clean. I could get used to this. Of course, I couldn't afford it.
I decided to make this a trip about celebrating myself. That's been a little harder. I did spend a small fortune buying myself books...amd I've taken pains to spend lots of time swimming and relaxing, so atypical of me. I brought a silk gown with me on this trip. I'd bought it for when I was planning my wedding. Losing Jeff, I haven't had any reason to wear it and it's been gathering dust in my closet. I didn't want it to be one of those things I would regret later, but I also didn't want to wear it.
It was hard to put on...and I indulged myself in a fit of tears for all I lost, but it felt wonderful against my skin and I loved the way it caressed me as I slept. I still have a rather sheer negligee and a lovely cream colored dress to wear...and a special pair of heels...but I have to find the right occasion to wear it. One is a bit much for me to wear for myself and the other is a little too dressy for the office. The right opportunities will come, I'm sure.
So tonight...lavender candles, a very hot bath, and my silk nightgown. I'll be feeling very soft and romantic. Never did find the masseuse I was looking for, dang it. A good book before bed will have to do.
My boss makes me laugh. I went downstairs this morning, to meet him and my co-worker...walked over to get a Wall Street Journal, and when I turned back his eyes were bugged out.
"Arre, you need to go put some clothes on."
"Excuse me?"
"You need to go put some clothes on."
I looked down, sandals, black wide leg slacks, a black t-shirt style shirt with a huge gray butterfly on it.
"I have clothes on."
"No, you need to cover up your back."
"My back?"
"Your back is not covered."
"Ah."
My shirt has an 8" wide strip of lace down the center of it.
"My back is covered."
"No, Arre you need to cover up your back. I can see your bra strap."
"I see. It's a black bra strap under black lace. Why is that a problam?"
"Because your back is uncovered."
"I get that you are ultra-conservative, but I've worn this shirt to work and it passes the company dress code."
"They let you wear that at work?"
"Uh...yep....so...ready to go to the seminar?"
I really expected him to drop a sweater over my shoulders or something.
What would he do if he saw me swimming?
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9
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What'd you call me?
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May 6, 2012 7:03 pm
671 Views
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I went to Pocatello with Michelle yesterday. She thought I'd been a little stressed and needed a break from everything. I was up for it since I needed to replace luggage the airlines destroyed on my last trip. It was a great day and her kids were fantastic. They always are, which is surprising for 3 and 5 year olds.
After a whole day of running around, the kids wanted dinner at the Texas Roadhouse, their favorite place to eat, and one of mine as well, although I'd really been craving scallops at Red Lobster. Since Michelle was driving, I took a rare opportunity to have a margarita. I'm glad it's rare. I'd forgotten what their margaritas are like.
I don't drink. An occasional glass of wine...and even more rare beer is the extent of my alcohol intake. As a diabetic, alcohol, which converts straight to suger, is totally not good for me. Besides, I've never liked the taste of alcohol, so if I have a mixed drink, I make sure I make them extremely week. The Texas Roadhouse does not.
They brought out a great big, absolutely fantastic margarita...and I drank the whole thing. Maybe too fast? Maybe too much alcohol? Not sure what it was, but my head was swimming and I didn't feel very good after drinking it. But heck, I didn't have to drive. Michelle took bets on which one of the "three" children would be asleep first. She only has two children.
So...time to go home and it's about 8:30 p.m. Not quite dark. Load em up, move em out. Her daughter was asleep almost as soon as she was in her carseat. As we exited the restaurant parking lot, Michelle commented on the sixe of the moon. It was massive and stunningly beautiful. I remarked that I loved the halo around it.
Dead silence.
"Um...Arre. There's no halo around it."
"You can't see it?"
"No and I can't see the horns, either."
Shades of my phantom truck driver.
"Really? You don't see the halo around the moon?"
"I guess that margarita was stronger than I thought, honey."
"Did you just call me honey?"
"No. See, I told you the alcohol was stronger than I thought."
We're both giggling.
We got to talking, as we left Pocatello, about how fast her son had fallen asleep...and then back to the invisible halo I could see.
"I'm not asleep. And I can see the halo."
So Michelle puts on her glasses.
"Oh! There IS a halo around the moon. I can see it now!"
"So you did call me honey!"
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8
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When hearts echo
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May 4, 2012 10:01 pm
832 Views
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Ambiguity makes me crazy. Be direct. Be honest. Be blunt. Don't dance circles around me in words, I'm likely to step away from the circle when the game becomes exhausting. Dance with me in words...let the games begin. Challenge me. Dare me. Taunt me. Love me.
I am not a toy, I am not a doll, I am not a number you can attach to the keyring at your belt loop. I am a heart attached to dreams and hopes which my soul hungers to share. Who are you?
Be the love you whisper and the love you seek will seek for you. Be the heart you long for. Be the prayer you cry brokenly to the empty skies as your sadness wells within you. Be the answer to your own prayer...for in that answer is another's question.
Dare to dream. Do not utter sullen promises, but call out loudly. Let no one doubt your words, your heart, your sincerity. For within the doubt lies the path to self-immolation.
Be...all that you need. Need all that you dream. Dream all that you believe. Never let go, never give up, never forget.
And expect the same from me.
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5
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Light Bearer
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May 2, 2012 9:19 pm
876 Views
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Lighting the way from my heart to yours....
When the path is dark
And your feet stumble
From weariness
There's a candle
In a window
There's a heart
That lights the way.
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13
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